Father’s Day is Sunday and no, please do not think we have any gift ideas for your actual dad. No, we have thoughts for the other “father” in your life. Your baby’s daddy, your daddy bear, your sammy wilkinson, your bbdd.
Assuming your man is one of the millions that don’t want to drink beer and play golf – how else should you celebrate? Let’s face it – men are very simple creatures. It takes very little to make them happy. Unlike Mother’s Day, they don’t need a card full of sappy sentiment nor do they want the perfect present of jewelry, flowers and chocolate (you can see why Mother’s Day is a lot like Valentine’s Day). All they really need to make them happy this Father’s Day is a mind-blowing orgasm.
Yes, yes, I know, you do a lot throughout the year and you’d like a mind-blowing orgasm once a year too. Well tough, this day is about him. And if you do it right, I’m sure he’ll return the favor. So buy yourself some sexy lingerie. No need to spend a fortune, it won’t stay on for too long anyway. And don’t worry about how you look in it – he really doesn’t care. He’ll think you look good in anything slutty no matter how many rolls of fat are sticking out. Really, the gold standard in buying lingerie should be if you wouldn’t be caught dead in it – he’ll probably love it.
Next, foreplay. Don’t get too carried away. The average sexual experience only lasts an average of 3 minutes. You don’t want all your hard work and planning to go to waste. Don’t bother with scented candles, they’ll only make him sneeze. Maybe cue up a good erotic movie. Remember, men are visual creatures. The story line does not matter. After a few minutes, you should be good to go.
Finally, the mind-blowing orgasm part. Hate to break it to you ladies, but it’s a blow job. It’s really all he wants for Father’s Day – so why not just give it to him. He’ll be so grateful. According to Marcy Michaels in her book Blow Him Away: How to Give Him Mind Blowing Oral Sex, even mediocre blow jobs make men happy. So unless you have an unfortunate tendency to bite, it’s very hard to perform an unsuccessful blowjob. But this is Father’s Day – we’re not shooting for mediocre. Remember the standard is mind-blowing. So how is mind-blowing accomplished? Start with simply paying attention to him. You know the saying that foreplay begins at breakfast? That only applies to women. For him, start the moment by focusing solely on him. No distracting television, no worrying that the kids are going to walk him, no interrupting in the middle to wonder if you paid the mortgage bill. This is all about him. So kiss him, look at him, tell him how much you love him and how you still find him sexy. Pay attention to his whole body, not just his penis. We’ll get to that in a minute. But for just a few minutes, enjoy all of him from the top of his scalp to the tip of his toes.
Next, focus on his goods. But not too quickly. There’s more down there than just his penis. Stroke his perineum, his balls before gently taking him in your mouth. And remember that men are visual creatures – maintain eye contact. Act like this is the best experience you’ve ever had. Use some flavored lubricants if you like (this is the one instance where you can think about your preference). Warm up by running your lips around his penis – avoid the head at first. When you’re ready, take him into your mouth slowly and massage his balls simultaneously. Don’t forget his perineum – it’s a very sensitive area. Finally, use your hands or a tool like the Doc Johnson Good Head Helping Head. Stroke him while engaging him in your mouth. And don’t forget to swallow – it’s Father’s Day after all!