May is Masturbation Month and this thing I am focusing primarily on myself (with the occasional assistance of Lance). Masturbation month is also a time I use for reflection – what have I discovered I enjoy, what have I grown to dislike, what is my body saying to me so that I can communicate that with my partner? This reflection can lead to growth and in growth should follow success (however you may define that success).
Classic Brand’s Crazy Girl is all grown up! CG is her name and adult fun is her game! Well.., I envision her as a newly turned 21-year old who will (hopefully and quickly) learn that just because you can legally drink doesn’t mean you should do as many shots of different liquor as possible… not that it’s a personal experience of mine or anything. Change is great and it leads to growth, so hopefully CG learns a little something from this re-branding because although nicer looking, I can’t say the same for all of CG’s products and their functionality.
Oh Yes! Cooling Clitoral Stimulant is more like an “oh no!” As soon as I put it on, my whole vagina started to feel like it was burning and I had to hop in the shower to rise it all off. I would easily compare it to Sensuva’s On, which I had the same reaction. Normally I try to test things out at least 3 times prior to writing about a product, but this is one I refuse to power through. I have previously mentioned that it’s always a good idea to always skin test these things out prior to use so that you know if you’ll react or not. This was not the case for me – regardless of any skin patch testing, I would not have expected this stim to feel like someone knocked over acid onto my skirt in chemistry class where I had to change quickly before it burned off my skin (this one is a personal experience of mine). Oh Yes! is a hell no for me dawg.
Oh My! Warming Clitoral Stimulant definitely holds up its name, but probably not in the way you are thinking. Although it doesn’t essentially “help” me to orgasm while masturbating or having sex (it is intended as a stimulator and not an orgasm maker just so we’re clear), I found walking more enjoyable throughout the time it was working. It had a nice warming sensation that wasn’t too intense like Sensuva’s On or it’s sister stimulant, Oh Yes! Although it states that it is fragrance free, it does have this underlying mint scent. I honestly might use this just a relaxation lotion… I don’t know what that means but I did feel like it relaxed me in the most unexpected way and I needed it (you try entertaining a 5-year old teenager over break while it’s raining outside, nearly impossible). The consistency of the Oh! line is a clear gel.
Lip Tease Kissable Clitoral Stimulant gave me a far better experience than I was expecting after trying out the other stimulants – then again, this is from the edible line so I should have realize it was going to have a different effect than the other two. That being said, I did feel the tingling sensation that I would want from any stimulant – not too intense that it hurts but not too soft that it doesn’t feel like it’s working. The consistency was different from the Oh line – Oh’s come in more of a clear gel while the kissables look like more of a white lotion. This stimulant comes in 3 flavors, Sin City Strawberry, Wild Watermelon, and Electric Mint (in case anyone wants to get me anything for Mother’s Day, here’s an idea). I had the opportunity to try the Sin City Strawberry, which didn’t taste too bad! There also still seemed to be an underlying mint flavor, which would seem weird my taste buds enjoyed it overall. This seemed to really allow oral sex to not necessarily be more enjoyable (I love it as is), but I was able to experience it in a different way. I did use it with a toy and it actually left an interesting sensation afterward rather than while using my toy.
Crazy Girl had the most amazing oral sex gel, but this is mostly because I LOVE pretty much anything that is cotton candy or bubble gum (remember that pink medicine when you were little? I used to wish I would get sick so I could drink it). CG decided to switch it up an introduce their Blow Me line with the flavors of Sugar Rush, Berry Burst (well that’s easier to type than Sin City Strawberry), and Electric Mint. I had both the strawberry and mint and I was honestly very disappointed. Initially the berry gel tasted like soap, I ingested more and it got a little better but I still wouldn’t recommend this flavor at all. Unfortunately, I had the same experience with the mint, which I was most disappointed about – I like the taste of mint but not to the point that I feel like I’m suffocating on it. I will say, if the intention of his gel is to remove the taste of skin while engaging in oral sex, I think Classic Brand hit their mark on these gels.
Pole Polish is probably one of THE best things to come out of this rebranding to the point where Lance and I were torn between actually using it as massage cream or just eating it off my hands. Lance and I LOVE LOVE LOVE this and we tried to use every last drop we could from our tester product. This super creamy massage lotion was weird to look at initially (after all, most massage stuff is in oil form and not a cream), but it smelled delicious and I couldn’t wait to give it a try. At one point, I think Lance wiped off some cream off his penis and put it in his mouth and I don’t blame him. He said it felt great – a different experience from oils but not bad. I did notice some reddening of his genitals and I kept checking on him to see if it burned but he said it did not. This could have been a result of us playing around, but again, always skin test any similar products before use. Pole Polish comes in 3 different flavors – Not So Vanilla (BUY THIS ONE), Sin City Strawberry, and Simply Naked. Simply Naked is their flavorless kissable massage cream and one idea Classic Brand’s gave to us (shout out to Nicole!) was to add a couple of drops of the iced tea/Mio drops to make your own flavors!
Tush Ease & Tush Tease are from CG’s anal play line – something I do admit I will have a problem wanting to sell to you (but if you’re gonna buy it, you’ve already decided so I will do so judgement free). Tush Tease is a little on the more playful side – it is a fragrance free (which I call BS because I SWEAR I smelled mint in EVERYTHING and I didn’t use all their products in one sitting) anal stimulant that gives some attention to your penis owning partner’s prostate. Lance allowed me to apply it on him and he did not have any burning issues despite claiming it felt more of like a cooling sensation. Tush Ease is something I’m not a fan of for a couple of reasons. Reason number 1: the Au Natural anal relaxant made me feel like my butt was on fire and was another situation in where I had to quickly remove the gel by wiping it off with baby wipes. It did feel like it worked in making my anus a little more relaxed BUT (bet you thought I was going to write this whole blog without a single pun), I am also comfortable with anal play and probably do it more frequently than the average person so I may be more relaxed to begin with – so did it TRULY work? Reason 2: the anal relaxant with ethyl PABA is more of a desensitizer (and despite their claims that it is not that, it felt like it was while I used it). As I mentioned, although I will not be happy with selling you the product, I will not stop you from buying it. I will, however, arm you with the knowledge you need to know when using something like this – anal should be painless so this shouldn’t be necessary and if anal sex is painful, you should stop and discuss this with your partner. Also, you should be able to feel everything is something does happen to go wrong so you aren’t being rushed to the ER hours later because you had no idea you were bleeding our your butthole (I really just like saying that last part, I’m sorry sometimes I’m still childish).
Unfortunately I did not get my hands on every single product, but between the products I did receive and some of the ones I tried during our in service, I would say that CG has a couple of great products that can be used by almost anyone (despite their gender specific branding), They have a couple of misses, too, that they need to work on, but this review is also part of their growth. From the products I was actually able to test, I highly recommend the Pole Polish and Kissable Clitoral Stimulant and most definitely avoid the Tush Ease and the Oh line – honestly you can use the kissable line in the same way vaginally and anally with similar results and it will taste better too.
A couple of other good bits of information that I can arm you in determining if you would like to purchase a CG product is this: all except a few lines (the Oral sex gels and I believe the polish polish) are paraben free and all of their products are not tested on animals. They also wanted to make sure that every product in its line is marketed at the same price (so one flavor or stimulant is not going to be more than the other within it’s same line). Also, the darker the label, the stronger/more intense the sensation is for that particular product – you can work you way up in strength since we all know that products are NOT one size fits all.
I know this is a lot of information to take in, more so than usual, but I believe all of this can help determine what products are really worth your time and money. Take care of yourselves, Scoopers, and give yourself some self-lovin.