How can I get my partner interested in a vibrator without offending or turning my partner off?
Couples who introduce vibrators, dildos and other sex toys into their bedrooms have found a easy way to re-introduce the kind of sexy explorations they enjoyed in the beginning of their relationship. Using a vibrator on your partner can increase arousal and maximize pleasure before and during sex.
Persuading a partner to try a vibrator is similar to coaxing them into trying anything new, any type of change. Change can be unsettling. Sexual changes can be even more so because they are so intimate and loaded with emotion. Some people fear that sex toys might “replace” them. You can reassure your lover that he or she is irreplaceable, that toys are just enhancements that introduce some variety and spice to sex. Do sexy movies replace you for your partner? Of course not. They probably turn your lover on so that he or she enjoys sex with you even more. Tell your partner that you feel the same way about sex toys. Some people fear that sex toys are “weird.” They’re not. In fact, a recent survey by researchers at the University of California, at San Francisco, shows that 10 percent of American couples use vibrators and other sex toys at least occasionally, and that the number of sex-toy users is rising. Some people believe that sex should be limited to what’s “natural,” just your two bodies with nothing extraneous. That’s a legitimate opinion, but chances are that your sex-toy-shy lover doesn’t really hold that view. Does he or she get turned on by lingerie? Erotic movies? Making love by candle light? Those enhancements are also “unnatural,” but they add spice to sex. Pointing this out might help to provide some perspective on your desire to introduce sex toys into your relationship. Birthdays are a good time to make special requests. And Valentine’s Day is a good time to make special sexual requests. You might ask for a special birthday or Valentine’s sex date that includes a sex toy, perhaps as part of a romantic weekend away. If your lover consents to such a special request, be sure to tell him or her how much you appreciate it, and how erotic you find adding a vibrator or other sex toys to your lovemaking. Everyone likes complements from a turned-on lover. Your thanks and enthusiasm might prove contagious If your partner remains adamantly opposed to sex toys and you don’t already use a lubricant, you might try introducing that first. In our experience, it’s a rare lover who doesn’t find them sexually enhancing. Lubricants can help persuade people that sex toys can be fun. Or visit fantasygifts.com together and browse the merchandise. Say that you’ll gladly spend up to a figure you feel comfortable with on any product or products your partner finds intriguing. You and your partner may find that just the act of viewing the products on-line is a turn-on, which may lead to an OK to trying something. As a last resort, you might buy the toy you want, use it solo, leave it in plain sight, and then tell your partner there’s only one thing missing-his or her participation.
NEW TO SEX TOYS?
Which one should I try first? There are so many different vibrators and dildos. Which is best for a first-timer? Whichever one strikes your fancy. It’s really an individual thing. Some people prefer to start with a vibrator, others a dildo, and still others, some other toy. The whole idea behind enhancing lovemaking with sex toys is to be playful. Which one do you think it would be fun to play with? Which one is fuel for your sexual fantasies? There is no “best” toy to start with and no “best” toy, period, on the market. There is only the toy–or toys–that appeal to you and your unique experience of sexuality. Tip: We recommend that you start out small and work your way up to the larger sizes. The level of vibration that will please varies from individual to individual. Always start your vibrator on its lowest intensity setting and then experiment to see what feels most comfortable. If the vibrator is simply too powerful, an external vibrator can be defused by placing a towel or piece of cloth over it.
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VIBRATOR VS. DILDO
Basically, a vibrator vibrates and a dildo doesn’t. A vibrator uses batteries or wall current to power a small motor that makes it vibrate. When placed against the body, the vibrations can provide a relaxing massage. When placed against the clitoris, vaginal lips, anus, penis, or scrotum, or inside the vagina or anus, the vibrations can provide sexual stimulation that contributes to erotic pleasure and enhanced orgasm for most people. It’s easy to use a vibrator. Just turn it on. If it’s adjustable, set it to the speed (intensity) you like. Experiment for yourself. Have fun. Dildos are either realistic or fanciful models of the penis. Some are modeled on porn stars. Dildos can be used like a penis. Typically, they are inserted into the mouth, vagina, or anus, or rubbed against the clitoris.
You are wondering about butt plugs, aren’t you? If you are curious you should start with a smaller one-and don’t forget to use plenty of lube. As for the “why” lets cut to the chase- a lot of folks find it very stimulating. It seems that this type of dong tackles genital stimulation from a lesser-used pathway. This novel approach alone pleases many people. Trying anal play in a warm soapy shower or bath is a good place to start. fantasygifts.com sells dozens of different vibrators and dildos: different shapes, sizes, styles, made from different materials. fantasygifts.com also sells several vibrator kits–a standard phallic vibrator along with different erotic attachments that allow a wider range of sexual excitement. For comfort, we suggest using a lubricant with vibrators and dildos. Lubricants increase comfort by preventing the irritation that’s possible when a dry sex toy rubs against dry skin, particularly sensitive genital skin. Lubricants also intensify the sensations the toy produces. We offer several very good lubricants in our Liquid Sensation category.
BEN WA BALLS
How do I know I’m using them properly? Ben wa balls are an ancient Asian sex toy. They are also the most subtle sex toy. But the fact that they’ve been around for more than 1,000 years shows that they have real value. Basically, what they do is quietly awaken women to their sexuality. Ben wa balls come in pairs. Using them is like playing a little game with yourself. The original idea was for the woman to try to hold the balls in her vagina, not when making love, but rather, during everyday activities. At first, the balls fall out, so initially you want to be discreet with them. But after a while, many women can walk around with ben wa balls inside and keep them from falling out. To hold ben wa balls inside the vagina, a woman has to strengthen her PC muscle, the one she contracts to interrupt urine flow or squeeze out the last few drops. The PC is also one of the main muscles that contracts during orgasm and provides a great deal of the pleasure in orgasm. So holding ben wa balls in helps women tone their PCs–and enjoy more pleasurable orgasms. (Women–and men–can also tone their PCs without ben wa balls, using Kegel exercises. Identify the PC by focusing on the muscle you contract to interrupt urine flow or squeeze out the last few drops. Then contract it in sets of five squeezes three or four times a day. Most people notice increased orgasm intensity in a month or so.) Another way to play with ben wa balls is for the woman to insert them, then lie on her back, bends her legs drawing her knees up to her chest, and rocking back and forth, allowing the balls to roll around inside her vagina. While she rocks in this position, the balls can strike each other inside her vagina, adding a sound that adds to some women’s (and men’s) pleasure. Finally, some couples enjoy intercourse with ben wa balls in the vagina. Just be careful. If the penis pushes a ball against the cervix, the woman may experience discomfort. Insertion should happen very slowly with ben wa balls inside. Don’t expect the intense pleasure of clitoral stimulation or orgasm from ben-wa balls. As we mentioned, their effect is subtle. If it’s too subtle for you, then you’ve got the wrong sex toy. Ben-wa balls cannot get lost inside you. They are too large to pass through the cervix, so they remain in the vagina. It’s possible that if your vagina is unusually long that one or both might slip out of reach. If so, simply stand up, relax your PC, and gravity should draw them down and out. fantasygifts.com sells Ben-wa balls. Pick up a pair, and then use your imagination.
Do they really help maintain erection? Can cock rings damage the penis and cause erectile dysfunction? Cock rings are rubber or leather donut-shaped devices that tightly encircle the erect penis. They are the main sex toy used to help maintain erection. They don’t work miracles, but they can help a little. Blood circulates in and out of the penis both when it’s flaccid and erect. The arteries that carry blood into the penis run through the center of the organ, so during erection, as blood fills the penis’ spongy erectile tissues, a cock ring doesn’t keep blood out. However, the major veins that carry blood out of the penis run closer to the organ’s outer skin. As the penis expands in erection, these veins naturally get somewhat compressed, which restricts blood outflow. A cock ring can restrict outflow a bit more. The net effect is somewhat greater blood build-up in the penis, and a slightly firmer erection. In addition, cock rings have a psychological effect. Nerves control how much the penile arteries expand to carry extra blood into the penis. These nerves–and the arteries as well–are sensitive to stress. If a man feels stressed, his erections are likely to be less full and firm. But if a man believes that a cock ring will help his erection, he’s likely to feel reassured and become more relaxed, which helps usher more blood into the penis whether or not he uses a ring. We’ve never heard of any cases of cock rings causing penile damage or erection impairment. Although the penis is a tough and reasonably resilient, playing too rough can cause damage. There are two kinds of cock rings–adjustable and nonadjustable. If you’re at all concerned about damaging your penis, we suggest an adjustable ring, which is easy to keep from becoming uncomfortably tight. Fantasygifts.com sells several of both types of cock rings. You can find them under “erection enhancers” located in the Sex Toy category.
Where is it? How can I find it? If you’re confused about the G-spot, you’re not alone. But it’s important to understand that many issues about the G-spot remain controversial. The reason, sadly, is that sex research continues to be seriously underfunded. For political reasons, the federal government, one important source of biomedical funding, won’t…uh, touch, G-spot research. And the drug industry, the other major source of biomedical funding, has not been interested because the G-spot seems unlikely to lead to the development of new medications. So we’re left with research that was carried out years ago, and with the personal reports of many women since then.
We have a great deal of information about the G-spot, but many questions remain. Back in the early 1940’s, a German gynecologist, Ernst Graffenberg, along with an American colleague, Robert Dickinson, discovered a “zone of erogenous feeling…located along the suburethral surface of the anterior vaginal wall.”
“Suburethral” means below the urethra, the urinary opening. “The anterior vaginal wall” means the front wall of the vagina. In a 1950 article in the International Journal of Sexology, Graffenberg asserted that this erogenous zone contained erectile tissue rather like the penis, and that it swelled when massaged and during orgasm. Graffenberg did not name this area. At the time it was called, the “urethral sponge,” and defined as the area on the front wall of the vagina about a finger length in from the vaginal opening surrounding the urethral (urinary) opening. Many sexologists continue to call this area the urethral sponge today.
Graffenberg’s research lay virtually forgotten until the 1980’s when sexologists John Perry and Beverly Whipple rediscovered the fact that, in their view, virtually all women have an area of sexual sensitivity on the front wall of their vaginas. In their studies, 90 to 100 percent of up to 400 women identified a sensitive area in the front vaginal wall. Perry and Whipple unearthed Graffenberg’s old research, and decided to name the area after him, the Graffenberg spot, or G-spot.
In 1982, Perry and Whipple publicized their findings in a best-selling book, The “G” Spot And Other Recent Discoveries About Human Sexuality, which triggered a stampede of interest in the suddenly-trendy spot. Millions of women and couples tried to find it, and enjoy it, but not everyone succeeded.
This led to G-spot backlash. In the 1988 edition of their classic book, Human Sexuality, pioneering sex researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson (along with a new coauthor, R.C. Kolodny) asserted that Perry and Whipple had overstated the case, that only about 10 percent of women had sexually sensitive G-spots.
Perry and Whipple retorted that those unable to find the fabled spot were possibly misinformed. The G-spot, they insisted, is not really a “spot,” like a button or one’s navel, but rather an area a little larger than a quarter. And it does not lie ON the front wall of the vagina, but rather IN it. The front vaginal wall has to be pressed fairly firmly to stimulate it when women are only modestly aroused. The G-spot is most easily detectable when women are highly sexually aroused, because that’s when G-spot erection (swelling) makes it easier to find.
Still, many women still could not find theirs, and neither could their lovers. At this point, it’s not clear what percentage of women have sexually sensitive G-spots. Some do. Others don’t. Our advice is to accept who you are (and men should accept who the women in their lives are). The fact is, everybody’s different. Some women adore having their nipples suckled. Others like it, but don’t love it. And some find it uncomfortable. The same goes for the G-spot. Some women report mind-blowing orgasms with G-spot stimulation. Others call it a modest enhancement of sex. And some feel nothing, or find G-spot stimulation uncomfortable. Explore G-spot stimulation if you like, but try to avoid any preconceptions that finding it is guaranteed to produce spectacular orgasms. It may not. Accept what you feel, whatever that is. If a woman does not have an erotically sensitive G-spot, it’s no big deal. There are plenty of other ways to enjoy great sex.
The G-spot is easiest to locate–and most sensitive to touch–when a woman is already highly aroused. Women who want to find theirs should explore themselves during masturbation. It’s not that easy for a woman to feel her own G-spot. It’s often awkward for a woman to press the front wall of her own vagina. Some can reach in with a hooked thumb, but many women can’t reach in far enough with the thumb. Women generally say it’s easiest to reach the G-spot if they are (1) on their backs with their knees pressed against their breasts, or (2) squatting down in a “baseball catcher” position, or (3) using a sex toy designed for G-spot exploration.
Fantasy Gifts ® offers several toys specifically designed for G-spot stimulation: They can be found in the “G-spot” section located under the Vibrator category They are all bent so that they can press easily and comfortably against the front vaginal wall. Remember, the G-spot is not a “spot,” but an area. Feel around. A woman’s most sensitive area may be off to one side or the other.
Some women can only enjoy G-spot stimulation when a partner does it. With the woman on her back, legs spread, insert your index or middle finger, then hook it upward and stroke what in this position is the top of her vagina. You may feel the area swell a bit or get a little firm. Experiment with pressure on the front wall. Some women like light pressure. Others can only appreciate G-spot stimulation if the area gets pressed more deeply. Good communication is critical here. The woman receiving G-spot stimulation should guide the person providing it.
The best position for G-spot stimulation during intercourse is doggie-style rear entry, with the woman on hands and knees and the man behind her. In this position, the head of the penis can press against the G-spot. This makes some evolutionary sense. Other than humans, all other mammals have intercourse only in this position. It would make sense for it to have evolved to be pleasurable for the female, and the G-spot is in the right place for this. When they find their G-spot, some women feel a momentary urge to urinate. This usually passes. If not, try urinating beforehand.
Meanwhile, many women with sensitive G-spots also release fluid on orgasm, a phenomenon known as “female ejaculation.” This fluid is similar to urine, but available evidence suggests that it is not urine. Why do some women ejaculate while others do not? No one knows. But the process seems to be related to G-spot sensitivity. Women with sexually sensitive G- spots are apparently the ones most likely to ejaculate. This makes physiological sense because the nerves that excite the clitoris also run along the sides of the vagina and cover the area around the G-spot, which includes the paraurethral glands.
DELAY CREAMS & SPRAYS
The brand we carry has 10% Benzocaine in a water and safflower oil base. The Benzocaine works as a desensitizing agent. This should allow for a longer time for an erection because there is less sensation. Caution should be exercised – if too much is used both partners will lose too much sensation.
VIEW SIZE GUIDE
Use this size guide to determine the dimensions of many of our products.