Lance always tells people that I’m smarter than him, but I wouldn’t say that’s necessarily true – we’re different kinds of smart. Some of the few things he knows more about are sports, shoes, and cars. He’s given me insight on why certain cars are easier to fix and less expensive to fix than other, more expensive cars are to fix. This can fall into the category of why there are older cars out there that can be more reliable than the new, technologically advanced cars out there we see on the road now. Why I am able to understand this is because I took his information and applied it to what I do know – sometimes corded is better than not (I’m looking at you Body Wand Aqua).
sex toy review
May is Masturbation Month and this thing I am focusing primarily on myself (with the occasional assistance of Lance). Masturbation month is also a time I use for reflection – what have I discovered I enjoy, what have I grown to dislike, what is my body saying to me so that I can communicate that with my partner? This reflection can lead to growth and in growth should follow success (however you may define that success).
You learn a lot about sex, bodies, anatomy, and about the companies who make and sell adult toys when you work in the sex toy industry, even if it is just as a sales associate in one of the most amazing family own boutiques in South Jersey. You make these connections with people also in the industry and, eventually, you become a liaison between company and consumer as you have the most contact with them on a regular basis. When I got my Satisfyer Pro Penguin I had more friends and friends of friends reach out to me and ask about it that any other toy I’ve owned– I mean, at one point Amber Rose was able to include it in her monthly box subscription “for free” so it’s a well known product just from that alone. I was excited as well just because I love the little penguin look to it (I’m guilty for occasionally letting aesthetics get the better part of my judgment).
I recently found out who my real friends are and it’s resulted in NONE. What does this have to do with sex toys? As many of you may (or may not if you’re new here – otherwise WELCOME!) know, I am not a fan of patterns on vibrators. I prefer the steady speeds and tend to ignore the patterns after I really get the chance to experiment and write my reviews. The worst part about the vibes is you have to go through all 7 or 9 EXTRA settings PLUS the other 2 lower settings JUST TO GET BACK TO MY FAVORITE SPEEP?!?!?!? APPARENLTY I’ve been sleeping on a clitoral vibe that ONLY HAS STEADY SPEEDS. I’ve been with the store for almost 2 years now and I’m just discovering them gem of a toy (full disclosure – Louisa DID tell me about the point but sharp looking objects scare me).
Satisfyer has gotten a lot of my time recently for several reasons: decent quality of products at a decent price and now they’re expanding (you know my chubby little fingers will get a hold of their new line of vibes and kegel balls one of these days but unfortunately today is not that day). Although I have found quite a few products I’ve loved, I’ve also dislike some too. One of them … I didn’t even want near my vagina for fear of stabbing my cervix (for those of you who didn’t pay attention in health class or don’t know how to use Google, it’s the entrance to the uterus.). A cervix can be so sensitive that when touched it can make it’s owner dizzy or even cause them to pass out. And I can’t believe I’m about to write this but…. I actually inserted the pointy Satisfyer toy in me and survived!
Tryst – (v) keep a private, romantic rendezvous, (n) a private, romantic rendezvous between lovers; a couple’s toy created by Doc Johnson that has won Cosmopolitan’s Sex Toy of the Month in June 2016 and has been called THE couples sex toy… and here I am trying to figure out WHY (read that with sarcasm and a hint of despair). “But Lady Genevieve, you recommended it in your wish list!” – First off, it was originally on my wish list because I’ve been hoping to own one since I started working at the store. My next wish list will have a time machine listed so I can go back and convince myself that it is NOT worth it. Second, anyone can fall victim to the seal of approval plastered on the box, myself included.
Okay I MAAAAAY have spoken a tad too soon when I said I wasn’t a fan of rabbits. My dearest Scoopers (I gave you all a nickname, I hope you don’t mind), I found another one that I don’t absolutely despise! “What? How? But she was so adamant about they did nothing for her!” Yes, yes, yes, I would still probably pay for an over priced toy from Amazon (don’t you DARE do that) than take a free gold-dipped and diamond encrusted rabbit for personal pleasure.
One thing you’ll get to know about me is that I enjoy small and powerful toys. I like to be able to travel with them and hide them easily. I prefer external/clitoral stimulation and I prefer any color besides Malibu Barbie pink. Also, if you’ve ever had to tackle a toddler running down the hall with a purple dildo to show “pop-pop”, you’d also understand the desire for smaller vibes. You can probably pull open a couple of my drawers open at home and find my go-to toys packed away and under clothes so I don’t have to take out my big Rubbermaid container and displace everything in there just to find my friends. So, why am I about to gush over the Midnight Bodywand? Oh you are missing OUT if you don’t already know!
GIMME A C! GIMME AN RING! WHAT’S THAT SPELL?! COCK RING! Annnnnnd on that note, I give all of you full permission to judge me for my cheering skills… I only cheered for half a game of football before I quit. So, what does a cis-woman (a female that identifies as a female) like me need a cock-ring for? It is one of my favorite couple toys between Lancelot and I!
Anal play is the new norm. If you don’t believe me then you may need to climb out from under your rock and do some research – may I suggest listening to Princess Vitarah? One of the great things about anal play is it works for everyone! Straight, gay, or solo play, everyone has a butt and that means I’m reviewing the We-Vibe Ditto!