I think there has only been once in my life where I could not complete an extensive review of a product because I truly didn’t like it or couldn’t handle it. And it has been so long since this has happened, that I can’t even recall the product that it happened with.. so this would be the second time in the history of my blog writing where I tapped out. This is about the Selopa Hooking Up.

Bad From The Beginning

So, I did purposely choose the Selopa Hooking Up because I was wondering how in the hell it would look/feel. The Selopa Hooking Up is a vibrating anal toy that is probably more prostate friendly. It is VERY curved, even more so than some g-spot vibes I’ve seen in my entire career working with sex toys. It is VERY hard, very sturdy, so having it curved as much as it is and not being a tiny bit flexible was a ‘wtf’ moment for me. And not to get all gender-specific with colors, but it is a hot pink. Historically, most manufacturers use darker colors for prostate (even just anal in general) toys because of the gender stereotypes of ‘men don’t like pink’ which, I DO appreciate the move into a socially feminine color, but it is just odd knowing the ‘norm’ the industry still holds in some aspects.

I was still holding onto hope because maybe, just maybe, I was overthinking this toy and needed to be able to try it to explain it to associates and customer. I mean, it’s not terribly priced with a remote and it does have somewhat of an anchor for a base (but wait… they ALSO curve up a little which is weird and possibly uncomfortable??????). Because of these curves, I did lay on the Jelle Plus HEAVY so that I could give as much space and movement as possible to get it in… yea okay.

A Nope From All Angles

I let the Jelle Plus sit to make sure it was absorbed well into my bottom and added more onto the Hooking Up and myself because I had a suspicion that it wasn’t going to end well. Fortunately, it never even really began. It didn’t matter what way I was laying or what angle I was trying to get it in at, there was no way I felt like I could get it in all the way. I could feel it in some very uncomfortable spots and my panicking brain kept saying “this is going to break through your colon”. Probably not true, but if I’m really not feeling something, I’m not going to force myself to continue. I know I usually encourage people to try stuff at least 5-6 times to make the determination if a toy is right for you, but if it feels extreme like this – don’t keep going.

I would have to say I couldn’t recommend the Selopa Hooking Up to anyone, not even in the slightest. I would try to suggest something completely different before letting you pick it up and use it. I haven’t had a toy that I’ve truly felt unfomrtable and horribly angry at in such a long time and hopefully I don’t meet a new one again (or if I do, it’s been so long I forget about the Selopa Hooking Up, too).

Stay Sexual.