Recent studies have shown that younger generations (Gen Z & Millennials) have more individuals that identify as LGBTQ+ than older generations (Gen X and Boomers). In fact, some studies show that upwards to 30% of Gen Z-ers identify as queer! Statistics from Gen Alpha is hard to gather due to their youth and their ongoing explorations, but it is theorized that they will significantly increase these numbers. What does this mean for you as a parent who may not be queer? How do you talk to your child about queerness or sexuality? As a queer person, a parent and an educator, here are some tips you could use to help have this discussion and find ways to support them!

Terms

Sexual Orientation: This is where sexual attraction comes in to people or partners in how they relate to their gender identity.

Gender Identity: How someone identifies themself or their innate sense of self in regards to their gender.

Sex Assigned at Birth: Usually done so by the initial look of someone’s genitals, this is what the doctor will put on their birth certificate.

Gender Expression: How someone expresses their gender outwardly, usually through their clothes, hair, voice, etc.

Pronouns: This is how someone identifies. It could be through the use of he/him, she/her, they/them, a combination, use of all, the use of none or neopronouns.

Gender Binary: This is a classification system in which people are categorized and either/or, however, it is a made-up system that is oppressive to those who do not identify on the binary or cultures that have more than just two genders.

An easy way to visualize these terms is the use of the Gender Unicorn. And, as silly as it may seem, it was created by queer students who felt that the gingerbread person was not inclusive enough (because it wasn’t). I remember in my undergrad days seeing this for the first time and thinking it was an amazing way to conceptualize things!

Open Lines of Communication

Just as I have mentioned in other blogs and social media posts, having open lines of communication is extremely important when talking with partners and even more important with your children regardless of their age. If you have kids or are an acting guardian and you’re not if sure if or when you should have these conversations, you should follow their lead! For example, if they want to play pretend and be a different gender or have their toys be the same gender but in a relationship, play along! This encourages exploration (and their imagination as well). It can both boost their self-esteem, their trust in you, and build brain power all at the same time. Use gender neutral language when talking about objects, roles, or even people in general.

For older kids and as they venture into adolescence, remembering there is no such thing as ‘age inappropriate’ topics. Anything can be discussed, it is just a matter of how it is discussed. Kids are very curious and one thing to remember is that if you don’t talk to them about something, they will find someone else to talk to them about it or go searching themselves – and that might actually give them wrong or harmful information. If you are a parent and need assistance on how to talk to your kids about topics that might be sensitive to you, I always recommend Amaze.org or taking a workshop with a Philadelphia-based organization called YES! (Your Empowered Sexuality). Both organizations provide parents with tips and skills on how to start the discussion on identity and sexuality which can really help take the pressure off you to find the right words.

And if your children are grown adults – none of this information really changes. Be supportive, talk to them, and actively listen with intention to understand rather than waiting to respond. Ask your child what they want and need from you: you may be someone who has experienced what they have or will and you’re also not a mind reader, so ask them the best ways they can support you.

Experience Pride as a Parent

If you are ready to make the jump and truly support your child (we’ll say 18+ at this point) when it comes to pride in who they are, Fantasy Gifts in South Jersey has amazing products and education that you or your child can receive. Our associates are trained to help explain products and their uses outside of their marketed purposes. We have educational books on gender and sexuality, Pride novelties you can get for when you go to any festivities and gender affirming products for beginners.

One thing to remember is that we recognize people aren’t perfect and most people need time (and grace) to make adjustments, especially if the intent is to truly support our queer children. If you are a queer child yourself, don’t forget to give grace to those who are working hard to be more supportive and you also have the right to call in or call out those who are not making the effort! Overall, it is a relationship and all relationships need time and effort in work.

Happy Pride Everyone!