10 Songs That Are Totally About Masturbation

The best things in life are always praised in song – love, conflict, and of course, masturbation.  You might not have realized it at the time, but all these people were totally celebrating masturbation.  Let us know if you agree, or if we’ve left any key songs out!

Captain Jack by Billy Joel

Your sister’s gone out, she’s on a date
You just sit at home and masturbate
Your phone is gonna ring soon, but you just can’t wait
For that call

Blister in the Sun by The Violent Femmes

Let me go on like I
Blister in the sun
Let me go on
Big hands, I know you’re the one
Body and beats,
I stain my sheets
I don’t even know why

Take Off Your Pants and Jacket by Blink 182

No specific song but the album name plays on the use of “jacket” as an oronym for “jack it,” referring to masturbation. The album cover features three symbols representing each two words of the title – a plane, a pair of pants, and a jacket – and three separate releases of the album, each of which contained two exclusive bonus tracks.

Fight for Your Right by The Beastie Boys

Your pop caught you smoking, and he said, no way!
That hypocrite smokes two packs a day
Man, living at home is such a drag
Now your mom threw away your best porno mag (bust it!)

Darling Nikki by Prince

I knew a girl named Nikki I guess you could say she was a sex fiend,
I met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine,
She said how’d you like to waste some time and I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind.
She took me to her castle and I just couldn’t believe my eyes,
She had so many devices everything that money could buy,
She said “sign your name on the dotted line.” The lights went out and Nikki started to grind.

My Ding a Ling by Chuck Berry

You know, then mama took me to Sunday school
They tried to teach me the golden rule
Everytime that choir would sing
Watch me playin’ with my ding-a-ling-a-ling, oh

My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling
I want you to play with my ding-a-ling
My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling
I want you to play with my ding-a-ling

All By Myself by Green Day

I was alone, I was all by myself
No one was looking, I was thinking of you
Oh yeah, did I mention I was all by myself
All by myself
All by myself
All by myself

Touch of My Hand by Britney Spears

I love myself
It’s not a sin
I can’t control what’s happenin’

‘Cause I just discovered
Imagination’s taking over
Another day without a lover
The more I come to understand
The touch of my hand

Feelin Myself by Beyonce and Nicki Minaj

Bitch, never left but I’m back at it
And I’m feelin’ myself, jack rabbit
Feelin’ myself, back off, cause I’m feelin’ myself, jack off
Heard he thinks about me when he whacks off
Whacks on? Wax off
National anthem hats off, then I curve that nigga, like a bad toss
Lemme get a number 2, with some Mac sauce
On The Run Tour, with my mask off

I’m feelin’ myself, I’m feelin’ myself
I’m feelin’ my, feelin’ myself
I’m feelin’ myself, I’m feelin’ my, feelin’ my, feelin’ myself
I’m feelin’ myself, I’m feelin’ my, feelin’ myself
I’m feelin’ myself, I’m feelin’ my

Love Myself by Hailee Steinfield

When I get chills at night
I feel it deep inside without you, yeah
Know how to satisfy
Keeping that tempo right without you, yeah
Pictures in my mind on replay
I’m gonna touch the pain away
I know how to scream my own name
Scream my name
Gonna love myself, no, I don’t need anybody else

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