The best things in life are always praised in song – love, conflict, and of course, masturbation.  You might not have realized it at the time, but all these people were totally celebrating masturbation.  Let us know if you agree, or if we’ve left any key songs out!

Captain Jack by Billy Joel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8fL4U-zaJA

Your sister’s gone out, she’s on a date
You just sit at home and masturbate
Your phone is gonna ring soon, but you just can’t wait
For that call

Blister in the Sun by The Violent Femmes

Take Off Your Pants and Jacket by Blink 182

No specific song but the album name plays on the use of “jacket” as an oronym for “jack it,” referring to masturbation. The album cover features three symbols representing each two words of the title – a plane, a pair of pants, and a jacket – and three separate releases of the album, each of which contained two exclusive bonus tracks.

Fight for Your Right by The Beastie Boys

Your pop caught you smoking, and he said, no way!
That hypocrite smokes two packs a day
Man, living at home is such a drag
Now your mom threw away your best porno mag (bust it!)

Darling Nikki by Prince

My Ding a Ling by Chuck Berry

You know, then mama took me to Sunday school
They tried to teach me the golden rule
Everytime that choir would sing
Watch me playin’ with my ding-a-ling-a-ling, oh

My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling
I want you to play with my ding-a-ling
My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling
I want you to play with my ding-a-ling

All By Myself by Green Day

I was alone, I was all by myself
No one was looking, I was thinking of you
Oh yeah, did I mention I was all by myself
All by myself
All by myself
All by myself

Touch of My Hand by Britney Spears

I love myself
It’s not a sin
I can’t control what’s happenin’

‘Cause I just discovered
Imagination’s taking over
Another day without a lover
The more I come to understand
The touch of my hand

Feelin Myself by Beyonce and Nicki Minaj

Bitch, never left but I’m back at it
And I’m feelin’ myself, jack rabbit
Feelin’ myself, back off, cause I’m feelin’ myself, jack off
Heard he thinks about me when he whacks off
Whacks on? Wax off
National anthem hats off, then I curve that nigga, like a bad toss
Lemme get a number 2, with some Mac sauce
On The Run Tour, with my mask off

I’m feelin’ myself, I’m feelin’ myself
I’m feelin’ my, feelin’ myself
I’m feelin’ myself, I’m feelin’ my, feelin’ my, feelin’ myself
I’m feelin’ myself, I’m feelin’ my, feelin’ myself
I’m feelin’ myself, I’m feelin’ my

Love Myself by Hailee Steinfield