If it weren’t for the fact that humans are social animals that need to bond with other humans to develop social connections and maintain a healthy mental state, I probably would probably give everyone the Irish goodbye and just spend the rest of my life with the true love of my life, the Womanizer Premium. We recently did an in-service with WeVibe and Womanizer – who had merged together this summer – and I have never been in such awe over products I see on a regular basis.
Normally I would describe my experience, but I honestly think what I have to say would do it no justice. I will give you a little insight to this super intelligent air pulse lover. And when I mean intelligent, I mean WOW (which is really funny because the merged company is now WOW Tech, but yeah this is only continuing evidence as to how I’d be an awful comedian). My first night with this treasure, I spoke sweet nothings to it and it gave me an orgasm I hadn’t experienced in a while. I started off as I normally
would, everything on the lowest setting, but I did not have to move too far from it in order to reach climax. I know I speak very highly of the Satisfyer, but the shape of the silicone head on the Womanizer Premium alone gave a different sensation and made me feel super sensitive. I also paired it with a g-spot toy and I swear I had an outer body experience to the point that I got so emotional I cuddled with both toys. Best. 3-some. Ever.
Let me continue to describe the newest features of this toy because I was EXTREMELY impressed before I even used the Premium and it takes a lot for me to build a positive-ish opinion before even trying it first – I’m a scientist, it’s what I do. First, I want to describe all of the aesthetics because they have made the Premium ergonomic to follow the curves of women’s bodies. It also comes in 3 beautiful colors – White/Chrome, Red/Gold and Black/Gold – LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT AM I RIGHT?! There are 4 buttons total on the Premium – the first two are a plus and minus button to change the intensity. The plus button is made larger so it is easier to feel out when in use, the power button, obviously, and a 4th button, which I will describe later. It is rechargeable and with a magnetic cord, making the Premium 100% waterproof. When you purchase the Premium, it comes with an extra silicone head of another size as Womanizer does with most of its products.
There is a battery-life light just under the power button – 3 lights for 4 hours (SAY WHATTTTT), 2 lights for 2 hours, and the bottom light for when it is ready to be charged soon. Who doesn’t love to be reminded to recharge your electronic husband? Now… for the GOOD STUFF. The Womanizer Premium comes with 12 intensity functions and yes it DOES do patterns BUT – here is where the 4th button comes in – you push the AUTOPILOT button and you get a new sequence of patterns EVERYTIME YOU CHOOSE IT oh my sweet clitoris who knows how long it would take to reach every single mixture of patterns. There are 3 options for autopilot intensity levels and the plus button changes between them. The 1st option uses intensity levels 1 – 4. The 2nd option varies through levels 1-8, and the 3rd option uses all 12 intensities in the patterns. HOW COOL?! I know this is a lot to take in, but luckily there is a legit handbook that comes with it to help you navigate the Premium. I also feel like Billy Mays over here (may he rest in peace) because THERE’S MORE! How loud a toy is can be a huge factor in if someone can buy a toy. I am one of those people because I have a nose-y 5 year old and as long as I don’t make any noise, she wont go breaking down my door wondering what I’m doing. This guy is pretty silent for being one of the large toys in the Womanizer product lineup. I do notice that if I don’t fully enclose my clitoris in the nose, it will get a little louder, but not significantly louder. BUT WAIT THERES MORE! The reason the Premium is so intelligent is because it detects moisture and will begin pulsing when it is close to your skin. So you have a 5 year old knocking on your door, no more scrambling to turn it off! MIND. BLOWN. It will also automatically turn off after several minutes to save battery. I’m seriously looking up state laws where it is legal to marry inanimate objects. If anyone knows any ministers, let a lady know.
Okay, so this is a higher end product, so it is going to be higher priced, but it is an investment that is would your while – I think I replaced all 3 of my favorites with this toy. Valentine’s Day is coming and there is no better way to express that love than to give yourself the best night ever.