Pride as a Pansexual in a ‘Hetero’ Relationship

Before I begin, I want to acknowledge that this is my experience and mine alone. I cannot speak for other pansexual individuals or the LGBTQ+ community in general. However, I am writing this today in honor of pride because I may be out and proud, I am also still very quiet about my sexual identity. I often get mistaken for an ally rather than a queer individual and it has harmed my self-esteem and leads me to question my sexual identity. “Am I queer enough?” “I don’t feel people believe me or take me seriously.” I have no problem speaking up and out about injustices in the world and telling people off just because I didn’t like something. But… recently I feel as though I have had to leave my comfort zone of NOT getting in people’s face because they misidentify me and that feels harder for me to do because I have this passing privilege.

Yes, Privilege.

I recognize I am a white, cisgender person and automatically that gives me so many privileges in this world that I did not ask for but would be stupid if I did not admit it has never benefitted me (because it absolutely has). I also recognize that being a mother and in a relationship with a cisgender heterosexual man also gives me privilege of being part of the societal ‘norm’. I absolutely love my partner and I never have to question that or his love and commitment to me. Some days I do wonder if people think of me as a traitor despite the fact that as a pansexual individual. I don’t look towards genitals and find sexual connections through other things such as values, personality, sometimes even just the chaos that ensues from taking Polynesian dance classes. Sometimes, and I hate admitting it there have been people around me make me feel as if I’m not ‘gay’ enough because of my current (and very committed to) relationship.

My Community

The one thing I have been fortunate to find is family within the LGBTQ+ community as well as in social media spaces where I am validated as the queer person I’ve been since grade school. Just because I may not be dating a queer identifying individual does not take away from who I am (in fact – some people suggest it still IS a queer relationship because of me). Just because I do lean more into monogamy than not does not take away from the fact that I do find plenty of people attractive and datable (but also that does NOT mean I want to fuck every person I see – I’m still picky thank you). Just because I don’t always shout it from the roof tops does not mean I am any less proud of who I am as a pansexual. I am comfortable in who I am and that’s enough for me to take on the other injustices in this world that I can use my privilege to destroy. And that CAN be enough for you too! Remember – the first pride was a riot thanks to BIPOC trans individuals. Remember – there is no pride in genocide. Remember – in the closet or out in the streets, you are who you feel you are and that is enough to be part of my community.

My name is Brianna McKnight (aka Lady Genevieve) and I am a proud pansexual sex educator. Happy Pride, y’all!

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