Embracing Your Lover’s Need for a Sex Toy

Having Trouble Coping with your Lover’s Sex Toys?

Some men despise our vibrators and dildos and without good reason. I don’t know if they’re intimidated because they feel that we will choose the toy over them or they don’t think they can satisfy us. I’ve experienced this in my own relationship, and my husband has even went so far as to hide my vibrators or intentionally break them. I ask him why, and it’s always the same reason:

“Because I want to be your toy – I want to be the one to satisfy you!”

It is so frustrating that it makes me want to scream – YOU DON’T HAVE TO COMPETE WITH OUR SEX TOYS! — I have come to the conclusion that some men (and women) are worried that they can’t satisfy their female partners and her vibrators and phallic friends will replace them. She doesn’t need to feel guilty or ashamed when her body doesn’t react the way she wanted it to. That just creates distance between the both of you. The whole point of lovemaking is to share in intimacy and pleasure.

Don’t Take it Personal If She Decides to Get a Little Help.

If you feel like your partner has been cheating on you with her sex toys, try to see it from another perspective. Using a vibrator or dildo doesn’t mean they’re not satisfied with you, your performance, or your abilities! That is insecurity creeping up and it’s just not true! There are many reasons as to why a woman doesn’t have an orgasm every time she has sex.

Handy Statistics:

  • Around 5% of women have supposedly never reached orgasm at all.
  • About 50% of women have trouble reaching orgasm.
  • About 50% of women have orgasms during clitoral stimulation.
  • About 20% of women have orgasms during vaginal intercourse.
  • About 25% of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse.

Discover and Master Your Bodies Together.

Use this time to encourage her, to get to know every inch of her body, see what makes her purr and helps push her over the edge. Turn these exercises into interactive sex ed sessions where you can explore, experiment, and learn from each other. Watch instructional videos with a hands on guide to female masturbation from professionals like Jessica Drake.

About 25% of women reliably experience orgasm during intercourse — no matter how long it lasts, no matter how big your penis is, and no matter how the woman feels about the man or the relationship.

Using Sex Toys Can Improve Your Sex Life

That’s right. Using a vibrator when masturbating or during sex with her may help her achieve the big O. Using sex toys will allow her to discover what kind of stimulation feels best to her. There are so many different types of sexual toys available, from classic vibes to clitoral and anal vibrators. By encouraging her to experiment with different sex toys, she can discover what type of stimulation works best for her. Bear in mind that a woman can have different types of orgasms with varying intensity, based on where you touch her and her mood. She may need to focus on different areas of her body and the anatomical reasons why:

1. Women Need Direct & Prolonged Clitoral Stimulation Before and During Intercourse.

If she is having difficulty achieving an orgasm, your partner can start to feel frustrated and potentially feel there is something wrong with her. It is just as upsetting for your partner as it is for you when one of you or both can’t climax. What you may fail to realize is that by supporting her use of sex toys she may find out what she is more responsive to. If it’s clitoral stimulation, it can be incorporated into intimate moments together. If she likes deep penetration or getting into a different position or angle you can use position toys or furniture.

2. Women Have the Potential to Respond to Sexual Arousal Throughout the Body and in the Pelvic Region.

If she is an older women, it may be due to a total hysterectomy, menopause, or has other health related issues, her focus may need to be on different kinds of sexual stimulation and feelings. Understand that she may have vaginal dryness, discomfort, or it may be painful to receive vaginal penetration.

3. Sex Toys Will Never Replace You.

If you are feeling intimidated by a sex toy’s power, there is no reason to feel that way. You are not in competition with it. There is nothing like the feel of flesh on flesh or the spark that you two share together. Try to think of these devices as enhancements to already great sex. You are just adding the extra touch to push her over the edge. As much as the vibrator can give her satisfaction, a sex toy will never replace you.

4. If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join In!

Sharing a vibrator can add to the excitement and combat those feelings of being left out. You could offer a happy medium and get a vibrator that pleasures the both of you at the same time. It won’t make you feel like you are competing, when you are a vital part of the orgasmic experience. One of the best couple’s vibrator on the market is the Passionate Play made by We Vibe. We have 14 different variations to choose from and Fantasy Gifts is confident that one will meet your needs.

5. Sex Toys Add More Excitement and Pleasure Into Your Bedroom.

If your partner is using sex toys, they may be up for SEXperimenting in the bedroom. That is definitely a win-win for the both of you. If you don’t know where to start? We have 5 types of Sexperiment’s Beginner’s Bondage Kits to choose from. Initiate light bondage with our Fifty Shades Collection, or try using a vibrating cock ring or try a couple’s love ring during intercourse. This will provide extra stimulation to the both of you at the same time. Remember, there are hundreds of sex toys for men too.

6. Using a Sex Toy Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Be Part of the Action.

You can offer to use a vibrating bullet or a clitoral vibrator on her clitoris during foreplay. You can try adding a dildo with your penis during penetration. Sometimes the extra toy creates just enough pressure to stimulate her g-spot or vaginal wall to achieve climax. Penis extenders sometimes add a different sensation – don’t be afraid to experiment with all devices to enhance your lovemaking.

Intercourse is not the key to sexual satisfaction. Just because your partner wants to use a sex toy or is currently using one doesn’t mean that you’re not enough for her. Instead of feeling threatened by it, share in the pleasure with her. Experiment, explore and most importantly, have fun!

* This blog was updated on September 6, 2022 to remove or update links and information.

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